Saxon's Plan: Reduce Unemployment by 10% on First Day in Office

2011-06-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

Harold Saxon's plan to fix the US economy will not involve higher taxes, deficit spending, or a new stimulus plan, and is guaranteed to reduce the unemployment level by 10% in one day. His plan, in one word, is this: 'decimation'.

In other words, on his first day in office Saxon intends to send his Toclafane allies out with instructions to kill 10% of the population of the US, or perhaps the world, depending on how hungry they are.

This will not only reduce unemployment by 10% by eliminating 10% of the unemployed, but as time passes the jobs held by the employed persons decimated will pass on to the currently unemployed. In addition, new jobs will be created cleaning up the remains of the decimated and repairing the collateral damage caused by the Toclafane. The theft industry will be revitalized by the possessions of those killed in the decimation who will be in no position to protect their property from theft.

"It's a win-win situation," said an Obama staffer who asked not to be named. "We considered it ourselves but not all of us have armies of Toclafane at our command. Our own version of the Toclafane, code-named Planned Parenthood, is just too darn slow-moving."

Of the GOP presidential candidates, most condemn the Saxon economic plan, though Romney and Cain have refused to sign a pledge against it at this time.

Saxon Campaign Staff looking to expand

2011-06-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

Saxon Campaign Staffers

Dalek Blorp, campaign manager for presidential candidate Harold Saxon, announces that the campaign staff is planning to expand to double its current size of 5 billion.

Applications are now being accepted. Political experience is not required. The campaign prefers to hire Daleks, but will consider applications from lower life forms such as Toclafane, Cybermen, Borgs, Klingons, and possibly any remaining unexterminated humans. Former Torchwood staffers living or undead need not apply. Pay is 3 cents an hour and all the Krillatane oil you can eat. Send resume and DNA sample to Dalek Blorp's office, Room 17, Dalek Headquarters, Luna, Solar System.

Harold Saxon 2012

Saxon's Plan: Reduce Unemployment by 10% on First Day in Office

Saxon Campaign Staff looking to expand